Remembering Bilal Riaz

The news of Bilal Riaz’s shahadah took me by surprise last night to such an extent that I almost lost control of myself. I sat idly for a good one hour or so trying to figure out if this really did happen. Its not very easy to believe that a guy you just met a couple of months back before his departure to homeland has also departed from this temporary world. Its not easy at all. Granted, life and death is in Allah’s hands and that death can and does take you by surprise, the way in which Bilal passed away is really the point that is disturbing.

He came to the UK last year for his masters in communications and signal processing, a parallel course in my department. We didn’t interact much until we had a common module and after that we used to discuss all the issues in Pakistan, especially cricket. I walked in the lab one day, and he was sitting in his usual far end seat. It was the day the Sri Lankan cricket team was attacked in Lahore. We were the only two guys in the lab early in the morning and the look on his face showed his concern and disgust. We sat for an hour or so discussing the deteriorating security situation in the country. Obviously, we shared similar concerns on the wave of terror. Sigh, he has fallen victim to the same wave. His words about the incident and his take on terrorism kept reverberating in my mind all night yesterday.

We may have not interacted for very long but when you live abroad, you do share a special bond. I cannot even consider myself as a very close friend of his, but we did share a lot of our frustrations during the time of our final thesis. We had some lunches together and as usual, all the Pakistani guys in the department used to meet after every Friday prayers at the College. Again, its the Friday prayer in which he passed away.

Ironically yesterday as soon as I entered the uni building I saw BBC showing news of some attack in Pakistan. I turned away. I’ve been doing this for the past one month. It hurts to see so many people losing their lives for no reason while the leaders continue to condemn it. Anyway, and again we discussed Bilal out of the blue just as soon as I reached the lab. And that he was about to get married.

What troubles me most is what the heck is happening in the country? Who’s after all this? When will the conspiracies end? If the army knows, why don’t they tell us? If the politicians know why are they quiet? And why does the President get 80 cars for his security and common man nothing? Why is there injustice amongst ourselves? Why are innocents dying and culprits living lavishly? Who is our enemy? Why doesn’t anyone ever get  caught? It is impossible to think that no one knows what’s happening. For us, we are bombarded with so much of information that we cannot even decipher which is the true one.

My heart weeps for Bilal, for my country. But I also hate myself for being so helpless at this point….

Returning to the subject of Bilal, I keep on picturing myself in his place. It could just have been me praying in the mosque and blown up in to pieces. Bilal was courageous enough even at that moment. The fact that he not only lost his life while in a mosque where he went to offer Friday prayers, but also that he sacrificed himself to save another life (his nephew) makes him much much special. May Allah grant him an exalted state in Paradise and give strength to his parents to be patient in bearing the loss of their beloved.

…

The heart is inherently dependent on Allah in two ways: from the point of view of worship, which is the ultimate goal, and from the point of view of seeking His help and relying upon Him, which are the means to that end. The heart cannot be sound, or succeed, or find joy, or be happy, or feel pleasure, or be good, or be at peace, or find tranquillity, except by worshipping its Lord, loving Him and returning to Him. Even if it attains all that it can enjoy or created things, it will not feel at peace or find tranquillity, because it has an inherent need for its Lord, for He is the focus of its worship, love and seeking, and this is the only way to attain joy, happiness, please, peace and tranquillity.

Ibn Taymiyah

Something's Wrong

If I’m to quantify the goods that have come across my way this year, I may require an ‘extra sheet’ to do justice to the question. Alhamdulillah, it has been amazing. I even feel guilty of being neglectful and turning to prayer mat when in need of something while being casual otherwise. In some ways I’ve always wanted something which was better for me. So here I am, have more than what I asked for. More than what I ever dreamt of at this stage and far better than what I could plan for myself.
But for some reason, I’m not that happy. Either I’m being ungrateful, or I’m disturbed by something which I’m unable to zoom on. I don’t know why but I feel sad and depressed and am unable to focus on anything.
Maybe it’s just the negative cycle of the sinusoidal wave of life. I just hope it passes away soon.

Where to..?

Some of the regular readers may recall me mentioning that I’m lucky to have a job in this time of recession (Alhamdulillah), and I will be joining it soon if my visa switchover goes on smoothly. Now what I didn’t mention at that the office is based in a place called Kings Langley, about 40-minutes drive during non-rush hours from the place where I currently reside.

Hence, I’m required to move to keep the travelling time short(est). Now this place (Kings Langley) is designated as a village although I didn’t see cows and sheep there on my last visit but still its not large enough to be a town. The nearest towns from this village are Watford and Hemel Hempstead. Both are about 4-5 minutes journey by train and about 2miles in distance. All this means I have 3 options to choose the destination. Either its the village, Kings Langley or any one of the two towns. There are obvious advantages and disadvantages to all, but it boils down to village v/s town in the end. Here’s what I think:

Kings Langley

Its a very peaceful, historic and beautiful place. Close to workplace, so should be about 10-15 minutes of walk. The problem I anticipate is the lack of proper shopping places, there is a small high street though where you can get the basics…but nothing much. I will visit the place in a couple of days for a detailed survey, but I don’t think there is a halal outlet or anything like that either. A counter argument is that if the towns are so close I can always catch a train and hit the town within minutes where I can find everything. Another point in favour is that this place is (possibly) cheaper, but I haven’t noticed a huge deal of difference compared to the town prices.

Watford/Hemel Hempstead

Both these are places where you have at least one huge shopping mall and all other things you’d find in a normal city. Not as busy as London (thankfully), but then going to the office would require a walk to the station and then a train journey. The journey would cost some money so that can be added to the expenses of living here, and whether I can find a place close to the railway stations is also questionable. Basically, these are small cities in a way, but still relatively peaceful.

While writing this I also found that its hard to find a place in Kings Langley because its such a small place and there is hardly any studio of 1-bed flat vacant at the moment. The whole village will know if something’s vacant I guess

In either case, I’m trying to find a studio or 1-bed flat rather than a shared accommodation. My father thinks I should have it shared with a friend but I don’t know anyone who’s moving there and I don’t want to share with someone I don’t know and then regret it later.  So that’s out of the equation for now, unless enforced by circumstances.

I’m really unable to choose which is a better location for me. What do you guys think? Am I missing any factor that I should be considering? It wouldn’t be so difficult if I was sure of getting a driving license any time soon, but I can’t bank on something which has only a 40% probability.

So I know for a fact that I am moving some time around next month, but I really don’t know where.

I Can't Believe This!

On 29th September 2008 during the late hours of the night, just 3 days before my departure to London, my father summoned me to his room and we talked about various things for a while. I was carefully avoiding any talk about myself going abroad because my mother was also sitting there, who gets rather emotional. Eventually the subject came up when my father said “You have been good in your studies throughout and I have no doubt you’ll excel there too. Strive to be among the top students as you usually do.” And there it was…the pressure of expectations, that I’ve been carrying all along. Its never been a burden, rather a motivation.

While I was happy and excited my father sounded more like a child getting some new toy he had been eagerly waiting for I haven’t been able to speak to my mother yet, but I’m sure she will be excited too. As for me, I am happy that I have been able to give this moment to my parents, although, I believe this is all due to their prayers.

Now I think I should quit this post before tears start trickling down my eyes and spread the precious ink on this paper…Oh no wait, I’m writing this on my iPhone 3GS

Edit: NOW, after 12 hours, I can believe this. It feels great to realize that I am among the top cluster of students in one of the best universities in the world

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Programming is like Sex because…

Sex is usually considered the most enjoyable practice on earth, programming comes in a close second or maybe shares the same spot with sex.

Here are some of the similarities between the two practices that I’m copying from different sources on Internet. One or two may be my own here, while you can add your analogy in the comments.

Programming is like sex because:

• Once you get started, you’ll only stop because you’re exhausted.
• It often takes another experienced person to really appreciate what you’re doing.
• You can do it for money or for fun.
• One little thing going wrong can ruin everything.
• Beginners do a lot of clumsy fumbling about.
• Both are better at night. *
• You’ll miss it if it’s been a while.
• Everyone who’s done it pokes fun at those who haven’t.
• Some people are just naturally good.
• It doesn’t make any sense at all if you try to explain it in strictly clinical terms.
• It’s not really an appropriate topic for dinner conversation.

*My own analogy. Others are copied from various sources that I didn’t bother to quote.

Kutttaaayyy!!

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What do you do?

Are you a student? NO

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